A year later...

We have now been trying for over a year to have a baby. I would love for AJ to have a little brother or sister to play with since he loves to play with other kids, but for some reason I'm just not getting pregnant. It has been hard watching other people have kids seemingly at the drop of a hat whereas I have been trying and nothing has happened. It was really hard this last Sunday when two babies were being blessed. I had to squeeze my arm to cause pain somewhere else in my body instead of feeling the pain that was in my heart. People keep telling me it'll happen when it's the right time or that I'm still young and shouldn't worry. Sorry but I do worry that it might never happen again. I wasn't really able to enjoy being pregnant with AJ as my thoughts were constantly filled with worry while Joel was away from me at Tech school. Considering how long women are pregnant and that all the doctors say that your fertility starts to drastically drop after age 35 I don't have too much longer to go before it'll be even harder to have a baby. Yes there are treatments out there I can go through but the insurance we have doesn't cover a lot of them and we don't have extra money to pay for them as Joel is going through school. Joel says that even if we only have AJ he still loves me and won't get rid of me. I have been exercising to be healthy. I try to eat more fruits and vegetables. I say my prayers, pay tithing , fulfil my callings, try to be a good wife and mother. I have an appointment with my doctor October 28. It seems so far away. I don't understand why I am going through this right now. Maybe someday I will be able to look back and understand. Right now all I can do is try to find ways to stay positive and distract myself with other things in life.