Time flies when you're not looking.

So much time has passed since I last posted on here. Little A isn't so little anymore. He's in preschool right now as he won't start school until next year. He's so excited and loves it. I am thankful that we are able to do a home preschool for him. It's less expensive plus he still learns things and gets to get out of the house. With AJ being at preschool for two hours twice a week it gives my time to actually get my house clean so it's been a big advantage for both of us. I can tell you though I will weep when he starts Kindergarten as he's my only child. I won't know what to do with myself then!
I am still a Sunbeams teacher. It's been a little easier not having A in class with me. I can't believe it's almost time to start that process all over again.
J is busy working and going to school. Someday we will be done with that. I say "we" as I get to help him out on occasion or deal with him stressing about school like others of you out there have done.
It's time to get Christmas shopping done. My goal is to be done by Thanksgiving. I never really realized how stressed I was to do the shopping until I didn't get it done soon enough and had to endure the "Christmas Spirit" of the other lovely people out shopping.
I am trying now to think of things that I am thankful for to help me better appreciate all that I have. I find myself falling into the trap of "I'd be happier if..." so in an attempt to avoid that I am putting on FB everyday something I am thankful for.
So anyway these are just some random thoughts that have attacked me. So now I bid you Adieu!

A loss

They say that writing things out is therapy for the soul. I would have to agree. It helps to get things off of your mind as well as providing you an outlet for telling lots of peoples things all at once. Well on April 30 I was the happiest I had been in a long time. I was finally pregnant. I took three tests just to make sure and each one came back positive. After three years we were finally going to have a second child! I told Joel and he was so happy too. Then that Sunday after getting home something was wrong. On Monday it was worse so I went in to my Dr. They did an ultrasound but as I wasn't far along they couldn't really diagnosis anything so the next step was drawing my blood. Then I had to go in again on that Wednesday for another blood draw right before we left on vacation. The office called me with the results and said that things were looking good so I was starting to feel more comfortable. I started thinking of baby names and wondering how we would ever fit a crib in our bedroom with our new large furniture taking up so much room. But it wasn't meant to be. As we were driving home from our Disney vacation I felt sharp pains. I went to bed that night hoping it was something else. The Dr had me come in on that Monday for one last blood draw but I already knew the results. I was having a miscarriage. All the joy left me that day. My heart had never been broken so badly. The aching I felt at losing this little dream was more then I could bear. All I could do was lay in bed and cry. All J could do was hold me while I soaked his shirt with my tears. I tried to look at the positive, hoping that this meant we could get pregnant again. My heart is still trying to recover from this. I'll find myself feeling fine and thinking things are pretty good, but then I'll hear a small baby cry and my heart breaks again. When it does break, it's not as bad as the first time, but it still hurts. Hopefully the pain will continue to lessen as time passes. Hopefully the dream of having another child in our home will come true.

Vacation

J and I have finally taken our long awaited trip to Disneyland. We left our little guy with family and went off to have some us time. It was great. I haven't been to Disneyland in almost 13 years. Boy has it changed. The parking lot that I remember is now gone, having been replaced by California Adventures. Instead there is a massive parking garage with up to six levels where they park you double deep and then you get to ride a tram over to "Downtown Diseny." From there you then get to walk a short distance to where the ticket booths are and then the choice to either do Disneyland or California. We went on a Thursday and it was awesome! The longest we ever had to wait for a ride was 25 minutes for Splash Mountain. I loved being able to ride the rides a couple of times. We even got to see Captain EO. The weather was perfect. I admit I was missing not having A with us. I saw lots of people with their children there and it made me wonder if maybe we should have brought him with us. We will take him in a few more years when he's a little bit older and tall enough to go on all the rides with us. On Friday we spent most of the day at California Adventures. It was cool. While everyone else seemed to be at Disneyland we were at Adventures and there were only a few people. So once again we got to ride all the rides twice. That night we went back to Disneyland to watch the fireworks show. So much fun. Then Saturday morning we went to the coast and visited Seal Beach. It wasn't a very "popular" beach, but it was great to walk around and not be stepping on people. Later we went back to the resorts to catch some last minute rides and make sure we had all our purchases. I'll have to post some pictures later.

My little boy has decided it is time for mom to know something. This is how he informed me.

Me - A did you just toot (pass gas) ?

A - No mom I farted.

Me - Are you sure ?

A- Yes because it stinks.

Apparently "toots" don't stink, but "farts" do. Who knew?

Choices..

So lately it seems like a lot of things in my life have made me reflect upon choices I have made. It's amazing how they seem to have ripple effects on future events. Sometimes it makes me wonder what I was thinking as I'm sure some of you must think when you take a moment to reflect on those things. Not all our choices are easy ones to make as neither choice would be bad, just different. I find it much easier to make choices when one is good and one is bad. Unfortunately it's not that way all the time. It's amazing how even just every day choices affects things. Like if I sleep in that extra half-hour instead of working out I don't get a whole lot done that day and could possible result in some missed opportunities. Or whether I smiled at the kid who then broke into tears cause someone strange smiled at them. Every time we make a choice there is a reaction. You don't always get to choose what the end result will be. All you can do is smile and have faith that things have a way of correcting themselves due to the actions of others choices.

This is what happens...

So this is what happens when I take A's picture. I either catch him looking at something else or his eyes are closed. So this next photo I told him to keep his eyes open...

So would you consider this an improvement?

Hmmm

So the holidays are over and we are in a new year. Do I have any new years resolutions? Not really. I tried making new goals at the start of last year and sadly have to report that I didn't make it. Am I discouraged by it? Yes. So I guess you could say that my goal for this year is to just make myself a better person. I've already been working out solidly for over a month and hope to keep at it. I'm trying to be better at having my Sunbeams lesson ready ahead of time instead of at the last minute. So just trying to improve would be my motto for the year.